The Lightheadedness of Being

This last week has been a hard one. I am still trying to regain my feet after getting chemo a week ago. As such, this week marks an aberration in what I have come to expect in terms of bouncing back after a treatment. The question that begs to be asked of course is something else going on? This is the chink in the armor of anyone living with cancer. Every change in routine, every odd pain, a momentary stumble in the day-to-day routine takes on a significance that is larger than life – not to put too fine a point on it.

And because we are so nervous about things like this, we are in a poor position to evaluate it from an objective standpoint. I know something is different, but I don’t know what, or why, or how long it will be this way. It feels as though my blood sugars are off. I get weak and lightheaded and have the desire to eat. I fatigue very easily and am having trouble finishing my assignment lists.

Yesterday, I took the Wonder Dawg for a walk before lunch, but had to cut it short as I was feeling kind of wobbly and dizzy. It was like walking uphill all the way home. I ate something and then went and lay down. Two hours later, I felt better, but still under the spell of whatever is going on.

I hate taking the next step, which is to try to get in to see one of my docs. It means so much screwing around, not the least of which is driving across town. I will wait and see how things go this weekend and will make the call if I still feel bad next week.

My reason for procrastinating is easy to explain. In fact, I need no reason, I AM a procrastinator by nature, especially when the task in front of me is one I don’t want to do. But, there is more in this case. J and I are heading north this afternoon for the weekend. The college FM station where I used to do late night shows is having it’s 50th Anniversary Celebration and is throwing a couple of concerts, a dinner, and other opportunities to meet and greet old friends – many of whom I know from the sound of their voices rather than their faces.

We will be taking J’s bike along and if it doesn’t rain too much, he will have the freedom to get himself around to visit with cousins and just to get out on his own.

So, I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. We will take the laptop along, so we will be able to check in from Grandma’s. Ciao.