Changes

Things feel different. I am dreaming ernestly in the early morning hours. This morning I was interviewing for some kind of job where being christian was apparently a requirement. I tried to explain that I was not religious, but that I "was experienced." Didn't seem to convince them.

Then I got to kiss some lovly lass. It was wonderful and I woke up with a throbbing erection.

The waking up part has been going on for some time. I am having night sweats which is not a good thing. I often wake at 3 or 4 AM and am quite slick. This makes me wonder if these treatements are being effective in any way.

Today is another bright and sunny one and the world is full of honking geese. They are back on the pond and making quite a racket. Yesterday, it was ducks. Today, geese. Soon it will be frogs and then I can die happy.

None of you who read this rag on a regular basis will find this news flash surprising - I think of death. This is not a negative thing for me in any way. I know where I am going and I need to think about how best to get there. Don't get me wrong, I am not in a hurry, but I "feel" the imminence of it.

One of the side effects of seeing life as a cycle, and feeling particularly tied to its flow, is that things that once were so important now seem like childish games. Take politics for example. I read and hear of the goings on in the country and the wider world, and where I was once angered and upset by the blind stupidity of those we elected (and even more so, by those of us who DID elect them), I now think, "This will go on forever. We are children, playing at being grown-ups. We are concentrating on the wrong things."

Is it that my thoughts are changing, or is it the drugs? I don't know.

I do know that it will be a beautiful day. I will take the dog and walk down by the lake to see the state of the ice. Soon, it will disappear and I will look out on sparkles. I will hear the geese and look forward to the piping of frogs to sing me to sleep.