Gone Fishing
Do you remember the scene from “The Matrix” where Neo hallucinates that some sort of artifact was inserted into his body through his navel? The same scenario was recently copied in TC’s latest epic “Mission Impossible III.” Only in that movie, a mini-bomb is shot up the nostrils into the brain.
Why tell you all of this? Because sometime last night, some evil force embedded a large muskie lure (you know, the ones with the extra big treble hooks) into my right lung and tied the other end of the string to that little “hangy-down thing” at the back of my throat so that when I cough it feels like my lung is being pulled inside out by giant fishhooks.
It’s a good thing I don’t have a pistol or I would have shot myself by now. I am leery of trying the shotgun with the “toe-in-the-trigger” technique thinking that it would be really bad if my aim was off at all.
Looking on the good side of things – both kids will be gone for the next two nights so I won’t have to try to come up with nutritional recipes involving yogurt and celery (the only things left in the refrigerator – besides beer). I can simply lay in bed and fish for lung bits.
If I survive the night, I’ll share the best parts with you tomorrow.
Why tell you all of this? Because sometime last night, some evil force embedded a large muskie lure (you know, the ones with the extra big treble hooks) into my right lung and tied the other end of the string to that little “hangy-down thing” at the back of my throat so that when I cough it feels like my lung is being pulled inside out by giant fishhooks.
It’s a good thing I don’t have a pistol or I would have shot myself by now. I am leery of trying the shotgun with the “toe-in-the-trigger” technique thinking that it would be really bad if my aim was off at all.
Looking on the good side of things – both kids will be gone for the next two nights so I won’t have to try to come up with nutritional recipes involving yogurt and celery (the only things left in the refrigerator – besides beer). I can simply lay in bed and fish for lung bits.
If I survive the night, I’ll share the best parts with you tomorrow.
Copyright ©2003-2007 Phaedrous
posted by Phaedrous at 8:02 AM
5 Comments:
Never thought I'd say this to a fisherman, but I hope you don't catch a big one!
Endure!
Man please dont tell me later that you made a smoothie?! Besides.. the beer would foam up in the blender....
I'm so sorry you're still sick, P. Seems like the bugs going around this year are nastier than usual. Perhaps there's a red pill, or a blue one, you can take to feel better.
Or perhaps you should just drink a lot of that beer and go to sleep.
Awwww, P. That sounds painful.
holy moses on a pogo stick, now THAT'S a picture! i'm finally on the upswing and a bit worried about you,phaed. if i was within striking distance i'd bring you some chicken soup.
since i can't do that maybe i can at leats give you a smile...
that hanging down bit in your throat is called a uvula. 'uvula' was my son's favorite word when he was about 6 (yeah i have a bizarre love of trivia and got my kicks out of passing on useless knowledge to the progeny). being the comedian he is he enjoyed going up to people, doing a groucho marx eyebrow waggle,and asking if he could see their yooooov-yoo-laaaahhhhhs. it was always fun to see what reaction he'd get. ok, maybe it's just me...
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