Touch
I miss being touched.
This hit home last Monday while I was at my regular yoga class. We were doing some twisting posture on the floor with one arm dislocated in one direction and the other one sticking up in the air as if we were asking to go "number 5."
The instructor was going from one victim to the next, gently grasping the sacrificial hand, and pulling up and back to ensure that not only the shoulder joint was separated, but that several vertebrae would join the "misaligned anonymous" club as well. My need for touch is so intense that I prayed that she would not leave me, but just keep on holding my hand.
This is so sad in so many ways. I have always been a very tactile person which some who know me might find strange because I come off as being aloof and somewhat stand-offish. The truth is that I am rather shy, which also surprises people, but it is true. Be that the case, I covet the sense of touch, touching, being touched. I need this now more than ever, but I am without it as I have not been in many, many years.
Oh, my children give me hugs from time to time, and I get the occasional hug upon saying farewell to a good friend, but the unhurried touch of a lover, the affectionate laying on of a hand by a friend, the heat of contact between thighs, arms, and shoulders when sitting next to someone is missing. I was not aware of my desperation until I almost groaned with pleasure at being semi-tortured by my yoga instructor. That would have definitely changed the mood of the class.
I don't know where I am going with this. Maybe to say that if you have someone close whom you used to touch, reach out and touch them again. We all need it and some of us don't know how badly until it is out of reach.
This hit home last Monday while I was at my regular yoga class. We were doing some twisting posture on the floor with one arm dislocated in one direction and the other one sticking up in the air as if we were asking to go "number 5."
The instructor was going from one victim to the next, gently grasping the sacrificial hand, and pulling up and back to ensure that not only the shoulder joint was separated, but that several vertebrae would join the "misaligned anonymous" club as well. My need for touch is so intense that I prayed that she would not leave me, but just keep on holding my hand.
This is so sad in so many ways. I have always been a very tactile person which some who know me might find strange because I come off as being aloof and somewhat stand-offish. The truth is that I am rather shy, which also surprises people, but it is true. Be that the case, I covet the sense of touch, touching, being touched. I need this now more than ever, but I am without it as I have not been in many, many years.
Oh, my children give me hugs from time to time, and I get the occasional hug upon saying farewell to a good friend, but the unhurried touch of a lover, the affectionate laying on of a hand by a friend, the heat of contact between thighs, arms, and shoulders when sitting next to someone is missing. I was not aware of my desperation until I almost groaned with pleasure at being semi-tortured by my yoga instructor. That would have definitely changed the mood of the class.
I don't know where I am going with this. Maybe to say that if you have someone close whom you used to touch, reach out and touch them again. We all need it and some of us don't know how badly until it is out of reach.
Copyright ©2003-2007 Phaedrous
posted by Phaedrous at 3:02 PM
5 Comments:
oh....i empathize more than you might imagine. and you're right, it's odd the things that bring this realization.
tender hugs to you.
Hi Phaedrous,
This is such a meaningful post to me this morning. Thank you! Just an hour ago I wrote my own post about touch from an entirely different prospective (I avoid being touched) but on a deeper level, I think you and I are saying the same thing.
PS: I follow your blog posts all the time but I seldom have anything to comment.
I hope you will share that beautiful sense of touch again, soon.
P~ I went without touch, other than the lovely kiddo hugs etc., for many years after losing hubby.
I know it is not a real solution but... Get a good massage baby... it does in a pinch...Let your mind go and just enjoy the sensations, Worked for me for a long time, truly no substitute but damned if it doesn't feel good! [Sending you a virtual hugs and sneaking in a little thigh pat]
I read back on some of your past posts, I didnt realize you were still blogging until Lime posted about you today.
Please pass the tissues....
I think the massage thing is a good idea.....
I really do.
Peace
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