More Things You Couldn't Make Up

From today's northern suburb police report:

from the "who would want it" file:

Theft. A 1990 Volvo was stolen in the 2100 block of NW. 111th Lane after it was left unlocked with the ignition key on the front seat.

from "the dog did it" file:

Drunken driving. A caller reported that a drunken man was getting in and out of his vehicle, staggering around and urinating in the parking lot of Old Country Buffet, 3580 NW. Main St. An officer arrived and the man said he'd had some drinks about an hour before. The officer saw that his vehicle was badly damaged, but the man did not know how it had happened. A test found a .23 percent blood-alcohol concentration. He was arrested, his car was impounded, and a dog in his vehicle was taken to an animal shelter.

from the "who me?" file:

Cruelty to animals. A cat was injured by a blow dart in the 2800 block of 115th Avenue NW. The cat was taken to a veterinarian for emergency surgery. A neighbor who had been previously seen shooting a blow gun in his back yard denied any involvement.

from the "put this guy in the jerry can relay" file:

Theft. A man saw somebody siphoning gas out of one of his vehicles in the 2100 block of NE. 158th Lane. He confronted the thief, who ran off with a 5-gallon gas can and the gas cap to the vehicle.

from the "it must have been my brother" file:

Theft. Somebody broke a vehicle window and stole tools in the 1400 block of E. County Road B. A witness got a license plate number of a suspect vehicle, and it turned out that the owner of that plate was in prison. Police did not know who was driving the vehicle or whether the witness read the plate accurately.

from the "oops, wrong house" file:

Burglary. Somebody broke into a home in the 1300 block of Ripley Avenue and ransacked the house. Nothing was believed to be missing.

from the "pass me some more of that" file:

Theft. While taking inventory, employees of Maplewood Cancer Center, 1580 Beam Av., noticed that prescription narcotics were missing. They were taken sometime after May 1.

from the "I've been stiffed" file:

Theft. An 81-year-old woman reported that her purse was stolen from her vehicle while she was placing a wreath on a cemetery plot at Sunset Cemetery, 2250 St. Anthony Blvd. It contained $180, a checkbook and credit cards.

another "Who would want it candidate:"

Theft. A 1992 Ford Explorer valued at $2,000 was stolen at Citgo, 2400 37th Avenue, after its owner left the keys in the ignition while he went inside for coffee.

These are all actual police report items. I did not make them up and no animals (other than the cat) were injured in the making of this post.

P.