Through the Looking Glass

Today is better, for me at least. I got sleep last night with a little help from one of C’s medications. Aunt P stayed over and had a sleep out with J on the screen porch. She was there to act as my proxy if things were bad again. We agreed that I would start out with C and then she could take over at some point if need be. C roused me once at about 2:30, but other than that, I was dead to the world. What a difference it makes in one’s outlook.

Of course, having the first really warm days of spring with sunshine and singing frogs don’t hurt either.

Right now, C is upstairs with the hospice massage therapist getting a stroking session. I thought I would take the opportunity to jot down a few words about this whole process.

C is still experiencing vivid “waking” dreams. At first, I thought that it was something induced by one, or a combination of some of the many drugs that she is taking, but now I am not so sure. Another possibility is that she is beginning a transition to another place. She describes it as being “in another universe” that is apparently very much like this one, but different.

She seems to coexist in these alternative states with transitions that are not apparent to me. She can be talking to me or someone else in a perfectly lucid way and then say something that is clearly not associated with this particular universe.

I am not a religious person, but I do question things. I do not believe that I will go to a “heaven” or a “hell” when I die based upon my actions, or my professed faith. That does not mean that I rule out the possibility of some kind of experience on the other side of death – I just don’t know what it is. So, it is with great interest that I watch C as she leads the way.

I read a lot and some of my literary journeys have taken me to the land of quantum physics (which I do not pretend to understand), but some of the learning’s of that field of study posit the existence of alternate universes (which seem no more, or no less likely than the Judeo-Christian concept of heaven and hell). Perhaps what I initially took to be drug induced dreams are really a thinning of the membrane that separates C from other universes and somehow she now exists in more than one of these.

I know that it is frustrating and confusing for her to have to relate to all of these different places when they all seem equally real to her. Imagine if you had to somehow keep track of which universe the person you were talking to existed when they could look the same in any.

Anyway, if this whole thing were not part of an end-of-life process, it would be much more amusing. As it is, it is just frustrating for everyone.

Once again, I wish to thank everyone who has called and written in with offers to help. I know that your offers are sincere and they are much appreciated. For the most part, we must do much of this ourselves simply because it is laid before us on our paths. The more mundane activities, like housework, I will happily accept help with. So don’t be surprised if I call you for a cleaning party.

That’s all for now. I will keep this as current as possible.

P.