Wednesday, May 17, 2006

First HNT Redux

This is a repost of my first HNT. I don't have a "celebratory" pose - things have been kind of crazy around here lately.

C is dying. It is not the dying of movies where the heroine gently fades as the music wells. This is real. It is painful. It is ugly. She cannot, or will not eat much. She hasn't pooped in over a week. Her kidneys are failing and she is filling up with her own toxins. She is nauseated and often has the dry heaves.

She asked me tonight why she is still alive? Why is she having to go through all of this? I did not know what to tell her. I finally said that it is because she is such a fighter. I told her that we could call hospice back in, she could stop taking all of her pills, and we could make her as comfortable as possible for the remaining time. She did not respond.

I wonder what our children think? They don't want to talk about it. I don't blame them. I don't want to either. But here I am, talking to all of you whom I know only through this anonymous medium of blogland.

Well, I am tired now and will go back upstairs to my sleeping C. Adieu.

P. Posted by Picasa

8 Comments:

Blogger Lee Ann said...

Happy HNT!

11:05 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger Crimson said...

Very cool pic....I can't even imagine how to respond to you and C's pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

11:09 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger lecram sinun said...

Very festive! Cheers and Happy HNT Anniversary!

12:42 AM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger Wenchy said...

Your HNT pic is very festive indeed.

There is absolutely nothing movie like about death. I am so sorry... What does one say?

3:22 AM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger lime said...

that you can even bring yourself to bother with this thing today amazes me. i do hope you are able to make her as comfortable as possible. prayers for peace for each of you.

7:29 AM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger AndyT13 said...

Sorry for your loss. HHNT!

12:17 PM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger Oº°‘¨t®ãg‘°ºO said...

My heart cries for your pain,...Bless you both. I pray that her pain eases soon.

2:37 PM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger NeverEnough said...

I am so sorry...

6:45 PM, July 05, 2006  

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