Sunday, May 21, 2006

Bedside Visits

Whew. It has been a busy couple of days. Many visitors.

C is mostly resting. She is for all practical purposes, bed bound. We use a wheelchair to move between the bed and the bathroom.

Nausea and pain control are the two orders of the day, and are not easy to do. Part of the challenge is to renew the dosages at regular intervals, some of which occur when we are normally asleep. All of this is easy to screw up and makes for tired puppies. Fortunately, C’s sisters have been a big help and today, her best bud from Duluth came down to lend a hand as well.

The last two nights have had a partial air of celebration as unexpectedly large numbers of people gathered around the tables and counters of the kitchen, eating, drinking, and sharing stories, many of which involved C as a center piece. It was good and also bittersweet.

As for me, I am in a constant state of exhaustion. Sleep is fragmentary and too short. There seem to be endless things that need to be done and not enough energy to do them. While I am off trying to put one thing right, I feel guilty not being by C’s side even though there where all ready too many people in the room with her. It is a crazy time. Sophie the Wonder Dawg is confused by all the activity. On one hand, she is drunk with all of the new hands that are there to scratch her ears, but at the same time, she senses that this is not the normal routine and in anxiety, she follows me around with a nervous look in her eyes.

The hospice folks have been very supportive. A nurse has come by each of the last three days and new pieces of equipment have been delivered and temporarily stored in the dining room for possible use down the road.

Tomorrow things will be much quieter I am sure. Jobs will call to the adults and the kids must be in school. Perhaps then, Sophie will settle down.

Thanks to all of you who have written emails and dropped by to sign the guest book. Your thoughts and concerns are welcome balm to us in these trying times. If you call, or wish to stop by for a visit, I hope that you will understand if the timing does not work out. Dying is hard work and sometimes, the work must be done alone and in a zone of quiet. This is a dilemma that has no easy solution. Friends and relatives need to pay their respects, but at the same time, C needs growing amounts of quiet time to rest and prepare. So, if you call, please do not feel hurt if the timing does not work out. We are all marching to the beat of this new drummer that only one of us can hear. It is trying.



Blogger The Kept Woman said...

I'm glad to hear that you and C were able to visit with your friends in a celebration of life. I imagine that's what we all wish for before saying our final good-byes.

2:12 PM, May 22, 2006  
Blogger lime said...

phaedrous, i've said it before but i can't imagine how difficult this must be for all of you. i also can't imagine your kids ever thinking their mom a quitter although i can certainly appreciate c's worry. i hope the weekend visitors provided some comfort to each of you and i hope perhaps some of those who want to be around can be helpful in ways that free you to be at c's side when you and she need it most.

peace to you all

2:15 PM, May 22, 2006  

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