Thursday, May 25, 2006

Mexicali Blues

It’s Thursday and we have a crew cooking Mexican upstairs in the kitchen. C’s uncle from Colorado and his wife are in town visiting and wanted to come over to contribute their culinary skills to the group effort that has characterized our evening mealtime of late. It seems that most days we have more than our usual compliment of bodies in the kitchen come mealtime.

This is good. We need to share and be together right now.

C is still mostly dozing in this strange half-sleep state. She is still plagued by nausea which has proven very difficult to control.

Today, she actually left the bedroom on a couple of occasions, but the effort took a toll on her. She is so weak that the least physical effort saps her remaining strength. We tried to do a bit of paperwork, but it was too much for her.

All of this makes me feel so strange. The emotions are so intense, but at the same time, I feel like I have a layer of muslin laid over me that makes my view of the world slightly far away and fuzzy. Distant.

On top of everything else, I have taken a new job. I will start work at a large local company known by its three letter name. Strange as it may seem, I still am not exactly sure what I will be doing (reference the muslin comment above), but it will be dealing with the production of respirators and carries the title of Senior Manufacturing Engineer. I explained my current situation and requested an actual start date as far in the future as they were willing to go. More on this as it unfolds.

Right now I feel very sad. I know that this will change over time, but it definitely is the feeling of the moment. I have noticed that I am prone to losing my temper with K and J (always a bad sign) and am tending to seek quiet spots where I am alone when surrounded by groups.

More later.



Blogger lime said...

i really think all your feelings are perfectly normal. glad you continue to have help but also hoping you have the opportunity to draw away when you really need it.

10:31 PM, May 27, 2006  

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